TNR Happenings, May 2, 2022

Of course there are exceptions to all rules, but the reciprocity dynamic of relationships is seen every day in our lives. For example, let’s say you are a female and you had a controlling father. In your intimate relationships, will you unconsciously seek a replacement father? Will you look for someone who, much to your frustrations, tells you what to do, who you need to run everything by them to get permission, who only allows you to do what they think is right and metes out consequences (punishment) for not caving, playing second fiddle, etc.? What if you are a guy and were controlled by your mother (a mamma’s boy) who never saw your greatness? Will you tend to attract more of the same in all kinds of surprising packages (some very obvious and others that camouflage your truth)? If you had an alcoholic parent, you will either become an alcoholic or become an ardent non-drinker and will proselytize the demons of drinking. Either way, your parent relationship is still controlling your life.

For the first 18 years or so of your life, you are under the stewardship of your parents, whether good or bad. Then you are supposed to break away from these chains for your own growth and development. Instead, will you find a new jailer called an intimate partner/spouse? I’ve seen this many times. It cripples the spirit and mires the unwitting victim in low levels of achievement and high levels of drama. It makes half a man or half a woman, a shadow of their true self. They never appear to catch fire or get going as they drift into being a face in the crowd. “When she was younger, all the kids looked up to her.” I have heard haunting stories of the past from clients where some of their true talents and abilities leaked through only to be extinguished by their parent(s). Their life after leaving the house reflects the lack of success and the insignificance that was prophesized by their parent(s). When they are struggling, they are secretly and smugly happy because they knew many years before that “You just don’t have it.” Years later they look for help from a coach, mentor, or book that will whisper sweet nothings in their ears and tell them everything is going to be okay. How can they trust someone when the primordial relationship of their lives failed them? They will find it almost impossible to commit to anything fully again, up to and including. Some of the finest members in TNR met premature, tragic ends to their journey when the spouse put an end to TNR training. They would cite money issues, too much time away from the kids, and, most importantly, I don’t have my slave available to serve me on weekends. If you have a spouse that compliments (not duplicates), they are thrilled with the new and improved you and are always supportive when you leave. They will hold down the fort because the training is so important to you. They accept TNR as a way of life and are grateful for the improvements they see in you.

Finding an intimate partner who plays the role you’re used to is easy. They are familiar, they have huge power over you, and you willingly give in to continue the movie that is playing in your mind. If you had supporting, encouraging parents, you will want a partner that doesn’t try to bring you down, sabotage you, suck from you, agree with your weakness, etc. You will seek a partner that compliments your abilities instead of duplicates. With a divorce rate of almost 60%, this factor isn’t going anywhere. If you have the people-pleasing gene, you will endure crappy relationships rather than try to improve or opt-out. Look at your parents. Are they roommates or lovers? Are they gentle, kind, and loving or are they burned out with each other with no other place to go?

How about practice members? Ideas leave not their source. You can’t just hop in another arena and not expect your shadow to follow you. Not being able to hook a tuna is only a reflection of what is going on in your mind. Like déjà vu, you think it’s an inadequacy like what your parent(s) told you. It’s not. You are being controlled like a puppet on a string with forces that are invisible to you. They still cripple your ability and greatness. Your practice members must be willing to hear the truth about health. You can’t do it for them. Keep this in mind: their willingness or their rejection of you has nothing to do with truth. Truth is known by its own existence, regardless of others’ opinions, validations, or beliefs. “I can’t afford it”, “I’ll go home and ask my spouse because we discuss all decisions together”, etc., sound so logical and familiar, yet they are so deadly. Like sand on fire, they extinguish your very ability to hook tunas. You have not done the individuation (getting rid of your own sh#%) and are not able to journey into the unknown. Being exposed is an invitation to start training harder, commit fully, stop doing only superficial work, have difficult dialogues, stand up to injustice and ignorance, etc. 

Greatness takes great insight, awareness, and the courage to be disliked, up to and including. Many have asked over the years, “Can’t I get a black belt without being hit in the face.” In other words, they want the benefits of being a once-in-a-lifetime person without doing the work: looking deep into themself no matter how gut-wrenching and the courage to let things go that don’t serve them any longer.

A Word About Urgency

In the world of appearance, urgency is an unwelcomed nuisance. In the world of essence, it moves molecules and gets things done that never get done in the world of appearance. Sometimes getting a hold of me after hours is difficult as I don’t always carry my cell phone. Long-term members know to call Dr. Julie to get a hold of me. Last week my phone was ringing after hours. It’s kind of a bat phone; you know the red phone in Batman that is reserved for important phone calls when Gotham City is under attack. Was it a psychopath or a sociopath? No, it was long-time member Dr. Lisa and she had an urgent, worried tone to her voice. I asked, “How can I help you?” She said she had a person right there that she wanted me to speak with. He is a current practice member at Heartland who had done something that concerned Dr. Lisa so she put him on the phone. After a few minutes of light conversation, I said to him, “If you’re serious about receiving help from me, call tomorrow at 9:15 a.m. and speak to my wife who will schedule you.” At 9:11 the next morning the phone rang. He said he was all-in and ready to begin his journey with a Sacred Healing Experience, a full 3 days of intensive Miracle Training. There is no ingredient that replaces urgency. When you see people in supposed trouble that just don’t seem to have the time for your care, put bait on another hook and hook another tuna that’s hungry.