TNR Happenings, April 21, 2025
The Grief Retreat Is On May 16th & 17th
It all started long ago: a loss, grievance, unrequited love, or messy breakup. All the variables add up to one constant: your engine light is on, saying: Beware: beyond this place be dragons. It stays with you, under the surface of everything you do. The smile is on your face, but not in your eyes. The good times and highs last for shorter periods. There is more worrying about what others think of you, what they expect of you, and the roles you are forced to play for others and society. You rationalize and justify holding off on risks and opportunities. Safety and security eclipse the adventure of living life fully. Your unmet needs aren’t on the back burner anymore; they are not even on the stove!
This is our yearly event that’s part training, part community of like-minded people, part adventure, and something you must do for yourself to charge your batteries. Seeing people who are ignorant about health and are constantly forcing their expectations (symptom relief only) on you will wear you down. Going to Mexico for a break is certainly relaxing, but when the tan starts to fade, you will quickly realize you are no further along. Something is missing, and you can’t quite put your finger on it.
In our culture, this is how we are taught to deal with things: have a stiff upper lip, forget about it, life moves on, don’t cry over spilled milk, etc. We have no idea that we even carry toxic grief, guilt, sorrow, shame, trauma, and loss deep in the lateral recesses of our minds. It dampens our spirit, darkens our mood, and clamps down on our ability. We hesitate to form new relationships because we suspect we will be lied to, rejected, betrayed, or disappointed. Superficially, we may move on from difficult circumstances, but deep down, we are being weighed down by a heavy backpack. Most will not completely break down; instead, we will more easily let our dreams fade away or color within the lines.
Call Dr. Julie today to grab your ticket. Do something great for yourself, and if you would like to introduce a loved one to the contrarian and unconventional world of TNR, grab a companion ticket for them, too.
Love Has No Color Update
Ask any of your family or friends if they have ever spent time with people who were slated towards extinction. Almost everyone would say no, and most would dismiss your line of questioning with a derisive attitude: What does that have to do with my life? Or, Why should I care, etc. Genocide is something that we hear about with dictators and faraway lands. Because of the shame, indifference, and myopic view of nationalism that is in our history books, the Indian Problem had to be dealt with for Europeans to assume their rightful place (Manifest Destiny).
When it comes to endangered species, individuals always make a difference. It’s not the government or authority that recognizes this; it’s always an individual who won’t take no for an answer that starts the ball rolling. Remember, it’s supposed to be by the people, for the people. Love Has No Color was created to restore a forgotten people's health, hope, and dignity. When most people hear about something endangered, they throw a few bucks in a hat and move on. We keep our promises. Our focus remains on continuing our mission.
From the Mind of Miyagi
One of the most challenging parts of helping people is dealing with their stubbornness regarding their refusal to hear anything that doesn’t align with their thinking, beliefs, and conditioning. This arrogance or lack of objectivity can cost them their life, marriage, business, etc. Rigidity is a landmine of dogma, rhetoric, and fundamentalism. Having it your way (being separate from everybody else) is socially conditioned in all people from day one. When you attempt to bring a new consciousness or a new way of looking at things, you will feel the effects of this immediately. They will smile (especially your family and friends) and cock their heads like a dog attempting to understand what you’re saying, but they remain rigid and will dismiss or even aggressively attack your hearsay.
Most people can’t hear what you’re saying when you attempt to interest them in health because they can only speak the language of disease. This is common to all people brought up in this society; it’s not a character flaw. Even in TNR, when I ask something of you in Head-to-Heads, training events, etc., the insistence on doing it your way intensifies. Your ego-consciousness rationalizes, justifies, protects, defends, and attempts to get you back to what is important: SELF only. People who have been in TNR for a while have learned to grow up and respond to serve others instead of having a knee-jerk reaction, which says service to self. In case you’ve never heard, service to others includes your needs and then some! Higher consciousness people realize quickly that events and trainings are merely STEPS for the contrarian, unconventional way of being in service to others instead of service to self. No steps, no increase in consciousness.
For most of us, service to self is our preference because of our social conditioning. The problem is that the narrow confines of our false self won’t allow us to truly dig into anything outside of the flashlight beam of our social conditioning. It’s just too powerful and holds us hostage! It will let us dabble, entertain ourselves, and read, but it prevents us from diving into the deep end. That’s its job: to protect our marching orders that were foisted upon us when we were defenseless. Even though many people will disagree, there is also a fascination or mystery that calls to us and that is serving something bigger and beyond ourselves. For most people, it’s a quieter calling and a more difficult path, but it is infinitely more satisfying.
Gandhi, /Buddha, Martin Luther King Jr., and Mandela were attuned to a bigger vision. Their message is not forgotten because of its uniqueness or rarity. Its meaning is for all people, just not themselves. The soccer dad, the successful businessman, and the journeyman are not remembered in the same light. Not because their lives are less important; instead, they were unwilling to expand their consciousness to anything other than themselves and their families. It’s okay, but there is much room to grow. We are all one people. The more ancient cultures understood that cooperation is sustainable, but competition is not.
Miracle Training
Lessons From Marley About Adaptations
Our granddaughter, Marley, had her first sleepover with Grandma and Grandpa. Dr. Julie has been looking forward to this, and Dr. Randi has needed some time to acclimate. Seeing my daughter as a mother reminds me of when our kids were small. My wife and daughter are very similar: very attentive and hands-on. Most parents probably dread leaving their baby with a sitter for the first time. Could Randi leave Marley with us and spend the night with her husband at a nice hotel in Boston? It was harder on Randi than with Marley. She was not the least bit worried when her mother left. She is acclimated and outstanding socially.
When a person is growing up and something developmental gets disturbed, delayed, or traumatized, they usually don’t get to change it. It remains dormant and invisible but profoundly affects the person in later life. Every practice member and Miracle Training person has experienced disrupted development. It’s hidden and sometimes even the person doesn’t know what it is, but it’s covered up by RESISTANCE, a quitting behavior, aggressive behavior, etc. It protects the deficit instead of allowing it to be released. The real key is slowing down life enough to focus on this long-overdue developmental issue and revisit it. I was walking with Hachi on our trail, and he scented a huge snapping turtle, presumably moving towards our pond to lay eggs. As if Grief Retreat people don’t have enough to worry about while walking on the trail with bobcats, fisher cats, snakes, turkey, coyotes, and deer!
I notice quickly with Miracle Training people that they are not living in the present. They are stuck in the past, even though time flows on. I would love to have a Miracle Training person stand behind the turtle and watch it move inch by inch. Immediately, I would probably hear, “I’m bored, what does this have to do with my x,y,z?” It’s here where I open the dialogue with the buried past of the troubled person. I once had an outraged, violent person remove the algae and weeds from the pond. Inch by inch and after the bitching and complaining about the snakes, salamanders, crayfish, frogs, and fish, he knew he was on a mission. When I explained how the oxygenation of the pond would be so much better for all of the aquatic life, he was hooked. He had never had an opportunity like this due to so much pressure and overscheduling when he was a kid. He was in his late twenties and said it was like he went back to being 11. He left his disrupted development in the pond and had a rebirth into a new life of possibility.
DCME Confidential
Question 1: My DCME patient does not have the WOW factor for what I am doing. I have taken her on several off-campus excursions, and she is not impressed. What gives?
Answer: She is still insistent on her ego ways and is not letting go or available to hear your message. Usually, time and persistence will erode them, but they persist to some extent. Don’t be influenced by the tepid response of the DCME. They could love your excursions and still not change. That’s the art form.
Question 2: My DCME keeps missing appointments and will text at the last minute or not at all. Am I supposed to put up with this crap?
Answer: Your relationship lacks reciprocity, trust, and respect. This is not just your fault, as some people will not let their arrogance or know-it-all attitude release easily. Some must learn the lesson the hard way. You must love them enough to let them go, even when you know you could have helped them.
Marley
