TNR Happenings, December 23, 2024

Do you remember a gift you wanted so badly but never received it? Even if you don’t remember this consciously, the disappointment lingers at a deep subconscious level. I asked a high-level training group that same question a few years ago. A female doctor from Vietnam said a bike. Her brother had gotten one, and she didn’t, and she had to walk 4 miles to school every day. It made her feel like a second-class citizen when she emigrated to the US as a boat person. Others said it was a special pair of sneakers, a fur-lined coat, a special toy, etc. What was yours? A promissory ring, a pair of boots, something more significant? Mine was a pony.

The Charleston Chew candy bar had a pony giveaway, and my siblings and I were utterly convinced that we would win the pony. We went as far as measuring a part of our yard for the corral and barn. We found out where we could get pony food (no internet back then, LOL), hay, etc. My parents, who were in the know, understood that 10 wrappers would not win the contest where schools, churches, and organizations combined for thousands of wrappers collected. They went along with our master plans, knowing the reality of the situation. They warned us by saying, you won’t win the contest. This was a little too realistic and pragmatic for my liking back then. This is just my perception, but I think there are better ways of communicating to undeveloped minds than dashing dreams. There is more to life than finding a spouse, having kids, buying a home, or finding a good-paying job. Broken dreams haunt us at night. Some adults spend the rest of their lives on the boulevard of broken dreams. I have had the privilege of guiding and serving many of them.   

Head-to-Heads and Miracle Training have a familiar theme: letdown and disappointment by authority figures, including parents, teachers, etc. Even if you know your kid isn’t going to be a professional athlete, train and support them as if they were. We have a pond out back with lights. We used real regulation goals with a backup net to catch errant pucks. We resurfaced the pond like a Zamboni does in rinks. I had a skate sharpener in our basement to keep our skates sharp. Even if my kids didn’t become a pros, I was all in. My support was not based solely on whether they made it or not. It was a template for success that could be repeated for the rest of their lives. If they show passion, purpose, and meaning for anything, even if it doesn’t interest you, support them in any way you can. As parents, it’s not our job to judge that art is lame and you can’t make a living with it. Don’t tell your daughters to go to college for business and to find a man. Leave it up to your kids; they will figure it out. You are not saving them from disappointment; it is a natural and normal part of life. Don’t crush their spirit. There is a big difference.                    

Miracle Training

A few years ago, I worked with a female in big trouble. Her marriage was cooked, she was a mother, and her spouse had checked out. She received all kinds of linear and analytical tidbits of advice for getting her life back in order by well-meaning family and friends, she listened to podcasts and read books about relationships, and she used an online relationship guru for $49 a month. Everything revolved around lightening her load and somehow making her auto-immune disease disappear. I always marvel at advice from people who attempt to reduce the pressure and effects of a situation by lightening or lowering the standards. The solution, I explained, was not in lightening but in developing the necessary inner characteristics that would allow her to navigate the troubled waters she found herself in. Overwhelm is never as it appears.   

A vast reservoir of energy awaits people underneath the tangled mess they now find themselves in. When people get overwhelmed, they withdraw and look for easy, convenient, simple solutions that will make it all disappear. Getting through the tangled mess takes thermal levels of courage, persistence, and a person in your corner who has been there before and doesn’t shrivel up at the first sign of trouble. The energy doesn’t get released by avoiding the issues at hand and continuing to be locked up in pride, blaming others, etc. Sooner or later, you must embrace the objective truth of your part in the mess. What part of you stands in your way that you won’t consider?

This energy that gets released is used for healing, moving in a new, more powerful direction, and navigating inevitable future dark nights of the soul. Always remember there are solutions, but not from conventional, traditional ways of looking at problems. You can navigate in fresh water, salt water, and the toilet bowl.